Moving to a smaller house or apartment in a retirement community almost always involves a certain degree of trauma, both for the elder who's moving and for family members. However, by planning ahead you can reduce the discomfort involved and turn what might well become a nightmare into a pleasant event.
Begin by Planning for the Move
Where is the elder moving? Go to the actual house or apartment with tape measure, pad and pencil and write down measurements. Floor space is important, but don't forget about ceilings. Many elders own large pieces of furniture that may not fit into rooms with low ceilings. Your work here will determine which pieces can move with your elder.
And while you're at the actual location, talk to several other elders who already live there. What is their life style? Do they go outside the property on frequent trips? How do they dress? Casual lifestyles will require an entirely different style of dress than more formal ones.
Gather Supplies and Contact Helpers
Having all the supplies you will need in one place will speed your task. You'll want a number of storage bins; five or six should be sufficient to hold sorted items. Plastic bags can be used for discarded belongings and as a container for articles to be donated to charities. Packing boxes and supplies such as padding materials and wide sealing tape are must-haves. Labels and dark marking pens are essential to ensure that boxes go to their intended location.
While you're in the gathering stage, begin to contact helpers you'll need. Among these may be:
estate sale professionals
certified appraisers
moving companies
house cleaners
repair specialists (electricians, plumbers, carpenters, painters)
Ask friends, relatives, and senior real estate specialists for recommendations. Also, check with the Better Business Bureau to ascertain whether problems have been reported about particular companies or individuals.
Approach Your Task One Room at a Time
Who should help? The elder and one family member should assume responsibility for sorting all items and some packing. Do not include everyone in the family if you want to make the job quick and easy because distractions increase in geometric proportion to the number of persons doing the sorting.
Sort all the items in one single room at once, beginning and ending in the kitchen. Why start there? Because kitchens in small houses and apartments typically are short on storage space, and the elder needs time and experience to determine which items are true necessities, and which may never be used. If you reduce kitchen items to a bare minimum at the beginning, your elder can determine what's needed and what's not by living with them ahead of time. After living with fewer items, your elder may find that items once thought essential may not be needed. Complete work in the kitchen at the very end of your tasks.
Even though you intend to stay in only one room, distractions will occur. Resist them by stacking items that belong in another room at the door. A bin or box placed just inside the door can contain all the items that have homes elsewhere.
Make your motto One Thing at a Time; One Time for each Thing. Once you've picked up an item, decide then and there what its fate should be. Place it in one of the bins you've labeled:
Discards
Donations
Distribution to Relatives
Keepers
Uncertainties
Large collections of books may require their own bins. You might have bins for Collectors' editions, books to be stored, books to be sold to book dealers.
When you have finished categorizing all the items in the room, start the packing process. Items in the Uncertainties bin can be packed for storage.
If an unbreakable item is to be moved only a short distance, don't waste time on elaborate packing and padding. Items like crystal and china, however, require excellent packing, regardless of the distance they will be moved. If you can't do a great job, leave packing fragile items to professionals.
Mark boxes as you go.
Mark boxes as you go.
Mark boxes as you go.
Nothing is more frustrating than finding that you've shipped your elder's bed linens to Aunt Minnie and kept a silver salver you meant to send your nephew.
Don't try to do everything at once. Do only one room on any given day, and take the time to enjoy reminiscing as you sort items.
This is also the perfect time to have a certified appraiser come in to appraise items that may be of significant value. Very expensive items may be auctioned at an auction house such as Christy's or Sotheby's. Less expensive items can be sold to local antiques dealers. By having an idea of their value before going to dealers, you reduce the chance that dealers can scam you.
You could also consider selling items through an on-line auction. If you do so, remember that you will be responsible for shipping items and ensuring their condition to successful bidders.
Distribute Items to the Intended Recipients
Schedule a single day for distribution of items. In-town relatives can come to pick up items intended for them; they may also be helpful by taking bags to charities, books to resellers, boxes to storage, and trash to dumps.
Use this day for shipping as well. Small items can be shipped via UPS or FedEx; large pieces of furniture and antiques may require special handling by movers. Once you've finished distribution, you should have a considerably reduced pile of boxes and furniture. These boxes should contain only items to be moved to the elder's new residence or to storage. Remaining items should be those to be sold in an estate sale.
Move the Elder to His New Residence
Will the mover actually show up on time? Will the mover actually show up at all? Increase the probability of a good outcome for the move by contacting the mover to confirm arrangement a week ahead and the day before the actual move is scheduled. Of course, missed appointments may still occur, but if you've checked out the company with the Better Business Bureau and reminded the company of your appointment, the chances are good that the move will go as planned.
Accompany your elder to his new residence and help him with the moving-in process. Even if not all boxes can be emptied in a single day, he will feel more comfortable if a few items that are meaningful to him are unpacked and placed where he can find them.
Hold an Estate Sale
Once the movers have left the premises, the estate sale professionals should come in to evaluate and price items for the estate sale. Give them a key to the house, and then get out of their way. If you have chosen well, these professionals can do a great job of pricing items to sell and clearing the house of whatever remains. They will take a percentage of the sale receipts as compensation.
The days of the sale are good days to keep your elder busy elsewhere. A tearful elder does nothing to help sales.
Schedule a professional cleaning service to clean the house once the estate sale is over. When that has been completed to your satisfaction, turn the keys over to your senior real estate professional and give yourself a big pat on the back. You're done!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
5 Myths You Should Know Before Choosing Elder Care
Myths associated with selecting quality nursing home care suggest quick and easy ways to identify quality care. In fact, relying on these myths can lead to disastrous results. I have identified a few of the most common myths in hopes of helping you avoid some of the problems commonly found in many nursing homes.
1. The Smell Test
You've heard it repeatedly: "The best way to determine the quality of care a nursing home provides is to be alert to bad odors when you visit the home."
It seldom, if ever, works. Why? Nursing home administrators have heard the very same advice. As a result, they are particularly sensitive to unpleasant odors in any area that might receive visitors. Almost all will do their best to remove offensive odors as quickly as possible, even when it means avoiding their primary responsibility to their residents.
2. The Personal Recommendation
Recently, I heard a guest on a radio talk show state that the very best way to find great nursing home care is to get recommendations from a friend. Like other myths, there is a grain of truth here, but you must check whether your friend has had extensive interactions with the nursing home recommended. Often that is not the case.
Last weekend I dealt with an emergency call from Jim, a friend who had placed his mother in a nursing home recommended by a friend. Although she was recuperating from a stroke, no nurse or aide checked on her condition for more than 14 hours. Jim discovered her in the morning with many cuts and bruises, her bedsheets soaked in blood. He was astonished that anyone would recommend such a poor care facility.
"My friend said her grandmother was in this particular nursing home," he reported. "So, I thought it would be good care."
"How often does your friend visit her grandmother?" I asked him.
"I didn't think to ask," he responded.
"And did you check the latest survey for that nursing home?"
"No," he answered. "I thought a personal recommendation was all I needed."
Jim's mother is now back in an area hospital. No one knows yet how much damage this experience caused to her recovery.
3. You Get What You Pay For
Nowhere is this statement less applicable than in nursing home care. In fact, I'd replace it with another shibboleth -- "Buyer Beware." Our own research, encompassing more than 6000 nursing homes and more than 100 assisted living facilities shows no relationship between cost and quality of care. You may find quality care in an expensive facility, or you may not! Similarly, the fact that a facility is low-cost does not indicate whether you'll get poor, average, or quality care. You have to do your homework. Relying on price as the sole indicator of quality care can lead to disastrous results.
4. Adequate Staffing Equals Quality Care
A recent report by the Senate's Special Committee on Aging indicated that quality care for a single nursing home resident requires more than three hours each day of nursing and nursing aide time. However, statistical analysis of the latest federal database on nursing home deficiencies indicates no relationship between quality of care and staffing levels. This finding is consistent with a number of university studies.
What should you look for, then, in nursing home staffing levels?
There is a level below which nursing homes are so understaffed that quality care can not be provided. I'd suggest that you not consider any home providing a level less than two hours per day per resident. For levels greater than this, I'd focus not on the number of hours available for care but on the motivation of staff available to provide care. Those who are motivated to care for the elderly will do so. Those who are motivated only by a paycheck will probably provide shoddy care regardless of their numbers.
5. A Well-Known Chain Will Provide the Best Care
This is another myth that can lead to tragedy. Sometimes, well- known companies do provide top-quality care. In other instances, however, a quick review of newspapers and magazines will show you other companies with long records of legal troubles stemming from accusations of neglect and abuse. One such company has been sued simultaneously by several states' attorneys general.
How will you know? The company is not likely to tell you, so you won't know unless you take the time to look into the company's historical performance.
There you have it -- 5 myths exploded!
What does work? There is no substitute for your own personal investigation. With a little research, with personal visits to nursing homes before you sign anything, you can avoid many of the difficulties that have come to those who relied on such myths.
My Teenaged Parents
Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease.
Respiratory Help Is Available For Seniors With COPD
As HMOs Continue to Drop Coverage for Seniors - Now Over 500,000 Victims - Those Needing Expensive Respiratory Medication, Support and Homecare Services are the Hardest Hit
One Patient Advocate, Geriatric Services of America, is Providing Relief to Victimized Patients Through a Unique, Often No-Cost Program
More than 536,000 US senior citizens are scrambling to find new doctors or new coverage because their health plans terminated their Medicare managed-care services, according to a Nonrenewal Report issued by the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services for the year 2002. Among the hardest hit are seniors in California (84,000), Florida (59,000), Pennsylvania (55,000), New Jersey (53,000), Texas (46,000), and Michigan (31,000), who will be losing coverage in the coming year. Even those with continuing coverage face substantial premium hikes and dwindling drug benefits. Particularly hard hit will be those with chronic illnesses such as respiratory disease, who will bear the brunt of high medication and healthcare costs.
Though all seniors 65 and older are covered by Medicare, those enrolled in managed-care programs agree to see doctors within a limited network and receive additional benefits, such as preventative care and prescription-drug coverage. The current coverage crisis stems from rising delivery costs and limited government reimbursement, as doctors and hospitals increasingly balk at seeing Medicare HMO patients, since they aren't sufficiently reimbursed for their services. Without enough doctors and hospitals providing care, an HMO can't serve its members. The problem is worst in large urban markets, where more than half of Medicare + Choice beneficiaries live nationwide but where reimbursement rate increases have trailed rising costs since 1997.
To compensate for the funding shortfall, premiums for seniors retaining Medicare HMO coverage are expected to spike while benefits dwindle in the coming year. In California's Sacramento-area, for example, monthly premiums for Kaiser Permanente's Senior Advantage Medicare Plan will double from $40 to $80 starting Jan. 1st. Healthnet, following suit, is raising premiums 50 percent, from $40 to $60 per month for its Seniority Plus members in the area. Pacificare and Western Health Advantage, while holding monthly premiums at $50 in their Sacramento-area Medicare plans, will eliminate brand name drug coverage next year.
Across the nation, seniors caught between rising premiums and shrinking coverage will find themselves in a similar bind. Even those with Medigap policies will feel the squeeze. Medigap policies A through J, for instance, have minimum standard benefit packages, and the H, I, and J plans covering prescriptions have annual drug caps ranging from $1,250 to $2,000.
For the 30 million Americans with a Chronic Obstruction Pulmonary Disease (COPD) such as asthma, emphysema or cystic fibrosis - collectively the fourth leading cause of death in the US, however, help is available with Geriatric Services of America (GSA), a national community service organization based in Tempe, Arizona which provides direct help and support to older Americans suffering from chronic respiratory disease. Through its Respiratory Disease Control Program, GSA provides access to a comprehensive range of special medication benefits, as well as support and homecare services, which eliminates out-of-pocket expenses for patients with primary or supplemental insurance coverage.
Through GSA's patient support center, nebulizers and respiratory medication are provided and paid for with free home delivery, conveniently packaged and ready to use. GSA handles all paperwork, and clinical Patient Care Coordinators work with doctors and insurance companies once a patient has enrolled in the Respiratory Disease Control Program. Patients can enroll themselves in the program; there is nothing to buy, and no enrollment or membership fees.
Currently, Medicare, AARP, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, and over 180 other insurers have special benefits for patients with respiratory disease. GSA provides access to these benefits, and coordinates all elements of care to help patients, doctors, and insurance companies combat respiratory disease.
At a time when US seniors face restricted health care access, rising premiums, and shrinking benefits, GSA stands out as a welcome ally for those needing respiratory medication benefits, support, or homecare services. For more information about GSA, or how someone you know can enroll in this special wellcare program, write to 4812 South Mill Ave., Tempe, AZ 85282; call 800-307-8048; fax 800-345-2425; or email Gary Rheault directly at grheault@geriatricservices.com.
When the Box is Empty
The King had a modest kingdom. He was Danish. This meant he was proud, tall, athletic and he enjoyed a quick wit. He was married to a princess from Great Britain at a very young age. They were both really just children when they began their own family.
They had three children, two boys and a girl. The children all shared one common aim, to make the King proud. Each child vied for the King’s attention and love, each using a different strategy.
The eldest son used music to make his father proud. The middle child, the daughter used humor and dancing. The youngest chose sports, knowing his father had once been a great athlete, a champion in several sports.
They had a modest castle, the King always worked hard to provide for his family. Demonstrating affection wasn’t something he was ever comfortable with. So, in his own way, he captured treasured moments by making or collecting trinkets. Each little symbol represented a special family moment. Some were shiny, golden; still others were like little bells that made a sound when you picked them up. There was a story for each trinket.
You see the King was a gifted storyteller. At dinner he would open up the box and hold up a trinket and smile. He would look up and to the right, and then tell a wonderful story that would have the children laughing, crying or shaking their head in disbelief.
Telling stories became a family tradition.
He encouraged the children to begin collecting their own trinkets and stories.
As it is with most children, they obeyed their father and began filling up their boxes with symbols. Though the children were
never very close, there were moments of family joy. They were all very busy trying to please the King with their respective gifts.
As the years went by, the Kings Box became a giant chest, ornate, hand carved and full of trinkets. As the King grew older the quality and quantity of the contents of the chest improved. Soon the children had children of their own and they maintained the ritual of stories at the dinner table.
One day, the King reached in his box for a specific trinket and found it missing.
Thinking this somewhat odd, he thought perhaps he might have given it to his youngest son. He forgot about it. The next day, the same thing happened; a specific trinket was not to be found.
What the King did not know was a thief had snuck in the night and stolen the shiniest trinket. The thief liked the trinket so much, the next night he took a different one.
Because there were so many at first the King didn’t notice. You see, this thief in the night was relentless, insidious, crafty and brutal. He was sneaking into his chambers and quietly pinching the King’s most treasured possessions, his memories.
One night the Queen heard a noise that startled her. She lit a match and held up the candle beside the bed. Holding it up high
she saw the thief…it was a raccoon! He had a little bell in his hands. The light scared him and he scurried off with the bell.
The queen had long since suspected something was wrong, now she knew. She gave it a name. That terrible raccoon. The King
wasn’t crazy and neither was she. Something really was taking the King’s most treasured gifts.
The next day they put a lock on the chest. That would stop the thief. The raccoon was too crafty. He picked the lock and kept
stealing trinkets every night. The queen tried an alarm, a special light, and guard dogs, nothing worked. Each night the raccoon kept stealing the King’s prizes. One day the box was empty! It was a sad day in the kingdom. The children came and sat at the feet the of the King and Queen and cried.
There was nothing to do.
All the memories were gone. The King had no more stories to tell. He was silent. He sat there with a far away look. That was how it was going to be. That is life when the box is empty.
After a time, when the pain of the empty box came a little easier to accept, the Queen said to her children, go home, go through your chests, your boxes of trinkets. Choose the best ones. Each time you come to visit the King, bring a trinket and we shall put it in your father’s box. We shall tell that story, and laugh, cry and enjoy it as something special. I will guard it.
I will keep a constant vigil. In this way, the raccoon can never take your stories. When we get together we shall honor the King in this special way.
So it was, once a week, the children would bring their children for a visit and drop a trinket in the box. This brought the children together in a way that never existed before.
The raccoon was very unhappy about all this. He still tried to get in the castle, but the love of the family kept him on the outside, looking in. Though he tried to keep stealing as thieves do, he never took another trinket.
Love does that. It’s not something even the smartest thief in the world can take. That was the lesson learned in the Kingdom.
The box was full until the day the King finally passed away. When he did, he was surrounded by children, grandchildren, stories, trinkets and love.
Only one life that soon is past; only what’s done with love will last.
To people all over the world, that ever suffered the terrible pain of losing a loved one to Alzheimer’s. I understand your pain. The night I read this story to my youngest son Evan, we wept together, holding each other tight. I pray science one day finds a cure for this terrible disease. In the meantime, may this little story bring you and your family comfort. May it bring your family a little closer together, as it has mine. Send this story to someone you know that is suffering. Perhaps it will heal the pain of loss for them or their children just a little bit. Grief is a form of energy and must find a way out. My hope is you make the time to put some trinkets in your family’s box. It won’t feel quite so empty.
