Honey, Where Are The Car Keys?

Q: My mother is always losing, hiding and hoarding things, I am losing my mind! What can I do to get her to stop?

A: This is a great question and I have a lot of material to work with.

My grand mother had made me the most beautiful doilies. One resident in my adult family home insisted that they were the ones she had made and took them when I wasn’t looking. I would put her in bed at night only to find my doilies hidden in her diaper.

After dinner one evening we discovered a client’s $3000.00 dollar pair of hearing aids wrapped up in a nice little napkin and stuffed in her drinking cup.

Some residents would go through others belongings, when I would suggest that they stop because the purse belonged to someone else, they would reply, “I know that” and would continue digging.

The weirdest experience I had was a resident who liked to clothes shop so much that she would go shopping in other peoples closets.

Invariably, just when you need something, it has disappeared, whether it’s your doilies, car keys, glasses, or hearing aids. Hiding, hoarding and losing things are very common things you have to deal with when you are caring for a person with Alzheimer’s.

To cut down on the prospect of losing very important things, here is a list of things to do to help you.

1. Simplify your surroundings. You would be amazed at how much easier it is to care for a person with Alzheimer’s if you aren’t surrounded by clutter. If you lose something, you will have less to sort through to find it.

2. Keep really important things in a locked and secure place.

3. Childproof your cabinets and doors that you don’t want your loved one rummaging through.

4. Don’t leave things lying around.

5. Keep your loved ones glasses, hearing aids, and teeth in a plastic container or tub when you put them to bed at night. That way you will always know where they are in the morning.

Here are a few other things to keep in mind.

1. People with Alzheimer’s like to put their teeth and hearing aids in their napkins at meal time. Always check napkins before throwing them into the trash.

2. Check their wastebaskets before you throw out the trash.

3. Check their pockets before doing the laundry-if they haven’t put something of value in them, I can almost guarantee that there is a Kleenex in them, a load of laundry washed with a Kleenex is the not very fun.

4. If a person with Alzheimer’s is a wanderer you will want to check the sides of their chairs frequently also.

While you may not be able to stop this behavior all together you might be able to control it a bit better with these tips.

Long Term In-home Care Options

Are you worried that you may lose all your life’s earnings and nest egg due to the rising costs of in-home long term care? As you get older do you have the necessary finances to protect yourself from going broke while slightly incapacitated? Many seniors are worried about are worried about the costs of long-term health care.

Are you worried that if something happens to you, that you may run out of money and burn thru their reserves and all your nest egg. Even be forced to sell your paid for home to survive? The costs for long-term in home care are rising, just like the current costs in health care. The average nursing home stay is 2.5 to 5 years of care with a cost of $135.00 per day. At that rate it will not take log to burn thru piles of cash. This is a concern of seniors and rightfully so.

It is very important to have long-term care insurance in order to protect your assets and give you peace of mind. You need the assurance of quality care, choice and control over receipt of care.

As we get older we do not wish to burden our offspring to come take care of us as they have their own family obligations; so we will want to avoid dependence and it might be nice to receive some tax advantages too. Paying for Long-Term Care requires some strategic planning; either thru family pact to take care of you or long term care insurance. Nothing is not guaranteed and do not expect the government to foot the bill. You see medicare is great but this program may pay for skilled nursing facility care for a very short period of time – but no longer than 100 days and only when you meet all the Medicare requirements for daily skilled care. If you live in California there is Medi-Cal, but this program, called Medicaid outside California, may pay for skilled, rehabilitation and custodial care that is not covered by Medicare, but only if you first “spend-down” assets to federal and state legal impoverishment level guidelines. Can you pay for your care thru personal or family assets without selling your home? Most people provide for long-term care expenses from personal or family income, assets and resources.

Your more strategic choice for Long-Term Care may involve having an insurance program. Specially designed programs to pay for long-term health care expenses are viable option. HIPAA defines Federal tax treatment of insurance policies that provide long-term care coverage. Policies that meet certain criteria are designated as “qualified long-term care insurance” and will receive certain tax incentives: the cost of coverage may be deductible and long term care benefits received will not be reported as taxable income. Please consult your tax advisor for information about your personal situation.

Play it safe and know your options regarding long-term health care and know protect your assets. Think on this.

Paying For Elder Care Just Got Easier

It's not a surprise that thousands of families across the nation are facing the challlenges of an aging population. The "sandwich" generation, those who are caring for their children as well as their parents, have been feeling the financial pinch of caring for loved ones. Paying the high cost of Elder Care can cost a family thousands of dollars a month. Too many families are unaware of how utilizing a loved one's life insurance policy can not only pay for Assisted Living and Nursing Home care, but can maintain the standards of living for the remaining spouse.

Not too many financial specialist inform their clients who have purchased life insurance policies with a death benefit over $250,000 that they can utilize a somewhat unknown option on their life insurance to pay for the high cost of Elder Care. It is called a Life Settlement and it can fully take the financial burden off of families who struggle to keep their loved one in a quality facility.

A policy owner has the right to sell his or her life insurance policy to an institution for signifantly more than the cash value of the policy. For example, a life insurance policy with a $500,000 death benefit and a $75,000 cash value can be purchased for $250,000 and up. This money can be used now to pay for assisted living, nursing homes as well as in home services also. The procedure is relatively quick with minimal paperwork. It is senseless to struggle financially to pay for the needs of elderly loved ones when they can utilize their life insurance policy to pay for care. Many, many times life insurance policies lapse when a loved one goes into assisted living or a nursing home just out of financial neccessity as well as through medicaid planning.

Instead of letting a policy lapse or into surrendership, smart families are looking into life settlements as a funding source for the high expense of Elder Care.

Local Businesses Serving Seniors Prove Commitment to Quality Care

Good news! You no longer have to risk chance when it comes to selecting a reputable elder care service for yourself or for a loved one. Senior Approved Services has certified a select number of businesses in our area serving the elderly and disabled populations.

Senior Approved Services was founded as a method to actively advocate for the right of all seniors to receive excellent quality care and most importantly, remain safe in the receiving of that care. Rather than report and warn senior citizens of known unsafe services (products and resources), they take the positive approach of highlighting businesses that are willing to prove that they deliver what is promised.

“No one should have to risk the safety of their loved ones when it comes to selecting a service,” states founder and president of Senior Approved Services, Barbara Mascio, a devoted advocate for seniors.

Families that want to secure an in home care service, an elder-law attorney, financial planners, long-term care health insurance representatives, bill-paying services, general handyman and cleaning services, adult group homes, adult day services, assisted living facilities, specialized Alzheimer’s and dementia care services, self-help books, health care directives and living will services, alternative healing practices (including stop smoking programs), elder mediation, home medical equipment, and so forth – can now select the best of the best through the exclusive network of Certified Senior Approved Services.

Seniors and those searching for verified excellent services access this valuable program free of charge by visiting www.seniorsapprove.com or by phoning 216-883-3163 during business hours.

Businesses that offer a product, resource or service for the senior citizen (or those with disabilities) may apply for certification. It is proof that they indeed put the client first. “We’re responding to three years of research and focus group studies,” offers Barbara, referring to results that clearly show the consumer of elder care services wants an unbiased third-party entity to verify the history of care and service.

In the last twelve months alone, Senior Approved Services has received nearly 3,000 inquiries from families that have asked to be connected with a Certified Senior Approved Service. “I only hope that other business owners serving this precious population will respond and request certification so that we may continue helping seniors avoid services that are known to be less than desirable,” affirms Barbara Mascio.

Businesses may request Senior Approved Certification by first visiting www.qualityeldercare.com/seniors

Senior Approved Services advocates for the right of all seniors to receive excellent care and most importantly, remain safe in the receiving of that care. We are building a national network of products, resources and services endorsed by seniors and their families.

Demand Dignity in Public Speaking Training

Mandy*, a bright, attractive professional woman, had a fear of speaking in front of groups. Recognizing that her feelings of vulnerability and self-consciousness were limiting her potential, she showed up for a presentation skills class filled with trepidation. In the class, the students spent the morning listening to the instructor explain the rules of public speaking. That afternoon, they gave their presentations to the group.

After nervously waiting through five other talks, Mandy took her place at the front of the room-her heart pounding and hands shaking. She plowed through her 10-minute presentation with her mind in an out-of-body blur. When she finished, Mandy obeyed the instructor's direction to remain front-and-center to receive her feedback. Comments started with a few "That's a good color on you" and "You had good eye contact" platitudes, but then the real critique began. She used way too many "ums." She shifted her weight too much. Her hair was in her eyes. Her voice was too soft. Most of all, her excessive gestures simply had to be brought under control! Luckily, the instructor had a gesture-reduction plan. He playfully took a piece of rope from a cardboard box, used it to bind Mandy's hands behind her back, and had her give the entire presentation over again.

Did this experience help Mandy overcome her feelings of vulnerability and self-consciousness? Of course not. She shuffled home feeling humiliated and victimized. Rather than compassionately working with Mandy as the vulnerable, dignified, gifted human being she is, the instructor treated her like a horse whose spirit and wild habits had to be broken with ropes. Literally. Previous Training As A Source of Fear

In my 15 years of coaching public speaking, I've worked with hundreds of anxiety-ridden speakers. Surprisingly, they often referred to previous speaking training as a source of their fear. They've been badgered, nit-picked, and intimidated-all stemming from a well-intentioned belief that if you fix the mechanics, confidence will follow.

For many people, this approach is, at the very least, ineffective-and it can damage one's sense of dignity. If you see the audience as the enemy, mastering the art of the upward-hand-sweep-with-the-dramatic-flourish will not make those faces any less threatening. Even worse, this mechanical approach can be devastating if you feel insecure to begin with, then walk away with an even longer list of deficiencies to correct.

Of course, there's value in noticing distracting habits and getting them under control. If you're already comfortable in the spotlight, great; go ahead and fine-tune the mechanics. But if you're like Mandy and anxiety is your primary issue (and believe me, you're not alone), a mechanical approach may do more harm than good.

What You Need from Training

So what do you need, if not the mechanics? Here are four things you'd be wise to demand from your training session:

1. Work on the cause of your discomfort, not merely the symptoms.

Most people say that one-on-one or in a small group, they're comfortable with speaking; they only feel awkward when speaking to a large group. If that's the case, there's good news: You don't have to work on your speaking; you have to work on getting comfortable being the center of attention. It may not seem like a significant shift but it is. Speakers tend to work only on what they're putting out to the audience (content, appearance, visual aids, voice). Often, the real work is learning to let in what's coming from audience members, namely their attention.

2. Demand a dignified, healthy process, not just a good outcome.

In Mandy's case, even without ropes, she would probably gesture less the next time she spoke, but is that really success? Though the end result of her training was fewer gestures, the teacher cut a swath of emotional destruction on the way. Desired ends don't justify humiliating means. Always demand to be treated with respect as you work to develop your speaking skills.

3. Insist on privacy regarding your video.

A common tool in presentation skills training is video, but your video is no one's business but yours. I have seen accomplished, respected professionals shrink in horror as their video was shown to and critiqued by the entire class. All learning value was lost because they were too mortified by the public display to learn anything. Besides, it's a waste of time. The class just saw you present the real thing. Why make them watch you twice? In my workshops, students go to the fun and funky "Learning Lounge" where they have a private video monitor with earphones, snacks, a comfortable chair, cozy quilts, and a soothing foot massager. The lighthearted atmosphere takes the sting out of self-awareness so students can concentrate on learning. Nothing good comes from public humiliation, so if you're not comfortable with a public video viewing, stand up for your right to privacy.

4. Feel free to explore your gifts.

"Stay inside the lines." Remember that one? You got a new box of crayons and wanted to go crazy with them, but a teacher or parent squashed your creativity by making you color inside pre-existing lines. The same happens in speaking. Max, a former student of mine, had always been told to follow the rules as a speaker, so he concentrated on his voice, his stance, his visual aids, etc. When given permission to forget the rules and speak from his heart, a delightful dry sense of humor emerged that made him much more likeable and, therefore, more persuasive. He incorporated this gift into a presentation that was already effective in the traditional sense, but now had a wonderful new dimension that would have been missed had he not played "outside the lines."

Mechanics have their place, but you may need to go beyond nit-picking mechanics. You're a unique human being with gifts, talents, stories, fears, dreams, and heart. Don't settle for anything less than a dignified, compassionate approach.

Even horses deserve that.

* Name has been changed to protect privacy.

Dating Tip: How To Ask A Man You Work With Out For A Date Using Class, Style, Dignity And Integrity.

Dating Tip: "How To Ask A Man You Work With Out For A Date Using Class, Style, Dignity And Integrity."

I recently received this question from a woman wanting dating advice. If you've ever seen a man you work with that you're attracted to, who you'd like to date but, for whatever reason, he hasn't asked you out, you might try this technique.

First, her dating question:

"I am a 29 year old single woman. I am very attracted to a man at work and would like to go out on a date with him. I only know him to say 'Hello' to and I have found out that he is single."

"I am well educated and dress very well and have been asked out for dates by many men, but I have never asked a man to go out on a date. What should I do?"

Here's my dating advice:

It's not just letting him know you're attracted to him or asking him out. It's letting him know you're attracted to him and asking him out with class, style and dignity while keeping your integrity intact. The last thing you want is for him to get the wrong impression. You don't want him to think you're cheap and you don't want him to think you're looking for a one night stand.

The first thing you want to do is let him know, in a nice way, you're interested in him. Then he will either respond by encouraging the interaction or not respond and walk away.

An important dating tip: As an attractive woman, you know there is nothing worse than a man coming on to you when the feeling isn't mutual. That's how he will feel if he doesn't share your interest.

Here's how to let him know you're interested in him using class, style and dignity: When you see him coming, stop what you're doing. If you're walking, stop. If you're sitting, stop what you're doing. Just stand or sit there calmly, wherever it is, and establish eye contact with him. Then smile and let him either walk up to you or walk by you.

An important dating tip about establishing eye contact: You don't want to stare him down. Rather, you want to look at him until you get his attention. Once you have his attention, hold the eye contact a moment, then smile.

And an important dating tip about smiling at him: Don't use a sexy, seductive smile. It gives him the wrong message. Rather, give him a nice, warm, friendly smile. A smile that says, "Hi. I know we don't know each other. I'm attracted to you and I hope the feeling is mutual. If it is, let's get to know each other better. If it isn't, I respect that and will leave you alone."

After you've established eye contact and smiled, if he keeps walking, at least you tried. If he stops, say hi to him and ask him what his name is. Try to start a casual conversation with him. If he has anything on the ball, he'll know you're attracted to him. If he's interested in you and he's a good prospect, he'll encourage the conversation.

If you see him on a regular or semi regular basis, after you talk with him for a while, end the conversation without asking him out until you see him again. Then, when you see each other again, pick up the conversation where you left off. If he doesn't ask you out and you think he's interested say, "Maybe we could get together sometime for lunch."

If he responds favorably, make plans to get together with him.

Achievement: The Only Reason to Gain Respects and Dignity

In my daily life, I have always wondered about one thing: why the rich and the educated are the most respected humankinds in the world society and not the poor and the uneducated? But now I seem to have found one simple answer to the foregoing question, amongst other more scholarly answers.
The reason that the educated and the rich are the most respected kinds of person, because they are viewed as firmly attached to their achievements. Why do I respect and view President George W. Bush as a person of dignity? Not, because of his handsomeness or wealth or other tangible human substances, but because his achievement in gaining the most votes and his achievement to be the rich in the United States of America. To be precise, who and where he is now, is not important, but only his achievements to become President George W. Bush and other achievements are the reason that I respect and view him with dignity.
Why this is important? This article is one of the answers to prepare you to reach your goal (of course, if you want to be a respectable and dignity person). This means that only when your goal is achieved, then you can be a respectable and dignity person.
“Your path toward goal-achievement is not important, but only your achievement that make I respect you and see you positively diffrantly.